Aimster Imparts Valuable Information on STDs

Because the month of July has resulted in me being ashamed of my utter failure to maintain my blog, I felt that I should write a blog helping people who are ashamed themselves. Because that got depressing quite quickly, I narrowed my focus to STDs and those who seem in the greatest need of enlightenment on such a sticky issue, or an itchy issue, or a stinging issue, or what have you. For that, I went to Yahoo! Answers to find some quality Question Myths.

Question Myth #1 - Can a person that had STD that is cured still affect someone if he had a sexual contact without condom?
Let me begin by saying that I was highly impressed that someone who asks such a foolish question used the word “affects” properly. 93% of the population doesn’t know how to do that*. He did, however, forget to use the word “an” after the word “had” and the word “a” after the word “without”, so I guess the grammar brain can’t be all there when you’re worried about warting people up. Luckily for this male, when a doctor says you are cured of something, you really are. But maybe if you got an STD in the first place, you should start using condoms.

Question Myth #2 - Do you think they will ever cure syphilis?
Ummmm…they already have. If this person meant eliminating the disease completely, well, good luck with that. People don’t want to accept they might have an STD and go off infecting others before getting treatment. The “It won’t happen to me” mentality is terribly destructive, especially when it comes to unprotected sex. I bet there are woman spewing goo as green as Slimer from their vagingos and they are still trying to find alternate explanations.

Question Myth #3 - How can chlamydia spread back and forth from gf to bf when they already have the disease?
I don’t even know what this person meant by this question. You can’t get a disease twice. This might be the worst thing I ever say in my entire existence, but I almost hope chlamydia makes this person infertile because people who ask things like this should not be allowed to raise children of their own, especially if they give their children STDs. I am so going to hell for saying that. I hope having ministers for parents gives me some points with the man upstairs.

Question Myth #4 - Could I get syphilis from the holy wine?
No, but watch it happen to me because of the thing I said in the last paragraph.

Question Myth #5 - Can you get herpes of the eye from a cat?
I wanted my first response to this to be “Yes” for two reasons:
1. I still think most cats are evil. Sometimes they try to bite me when I try to pet them. Maybe they think I am going to give them herpes (which I don’t have, no worries, Orongejello).
2. Because in a world where people and animals can affect one another with their biological chemistry, my childhood goal of one day being half dolphin could still be possible.
But really, humans and cats are too different on the inside, not to mention the outside, for this to happen.

Question Myth #6 - What are the possibilities to transmit HIV thru the masturbation from message parlors?
Firstly, this person did indeed mean to ask about massage parlors. Message Parlors don’t exist, but if they did, I’d imagine they’d be a haven for computer geeks where you went and instant messaged people at the computers in the Message Parlor, thereby eliminating the need to approach people directly. It’s the ultimate technological love story:

Guy at Computer 1: I love the way you type.
Girl at Computer 2: I love the way you watch me type.

Five months later:
Guy at Computer 1: Will you marry me?
Girl at Computer 2: Yes! Lol

BAM! Marriage! Babies! And hopefully no STDs!

Instead, I have to respond to this with, “I hope you tipped that masseuse damn well.”


*This statistic is completely made up. But it’s probably true that the vast majority of people don’t know the difference between “affect” and “effect”.