Aimster and Dmitrii Write Elevator Pick-Up Lines

Let me preface this entry by saying that if you’re still one of those people who thinks of me as a total goodie-goodie, you don’t want to read this. Or you can read it and learn the truth: that sometimes my mind inhabits the gutter and I intend to bring everyone there with me.

Last week at work my friend Dmitrii and I were discussing the challenge of the elevator conversation. If you have the balls to say anything at all, you have to figure out how to branch into a topic that’s friendly but destined to be short – you only have so much time in the elevator, after all. At first we were going to write a book about elevator conversation starters, but that plan was quickly kicked to the curb when we realized that it would be much more fun (i.e. immature) to think of elevator pick-up lines. We came up with some innocent ones for the not-so-brave, and then a list for those of you who aren’t afraid to grab the bull by the horns.

So here you have it, ladies and gentlemen. You can thank us when you’re getting off on the wrong floor because you’ve just been invited into the apartment of that hottie you were sharing the elevator with. Or perhaps more likely, you can pay your friends to actually say these things just to see how disgusted of a reaction the target can muster.


[Push all the buttons] “I just wanted to spend more time with you.”

“I don’t mind being claustrophobic in an elevator because it means I get to be closer to you.”

“I never wished I’d get stuck in an elevator until I hopped on this one with you.”

"Do you look awkward because we're standing in silence within two feet of each other...or is it because you have a secret crush on me?"

“I thought the lights in this elevator were sparkly, but they pale in comparison to your eyes.”

"You're the most beautiful thing that's ever graced a building security tape."

“Seeing you gets me higher than this elevator ever could.”

“I’m glad this elevator has an emergency button for fires because I’m burning up just looking at you.”

"Do you like your elevator ride slow and gentle...or do you like it rough?"

“This elevator isn’t the only thing that’s going up.”

“This elevator isn’t the only thing that likes going down.”

“I hope there are janitors to clean up spills in this elevator because just seeing you is making me very wet.”

“When you came into this elevator there were only two of us, but since then my dick has gotten so big that it deserves to be its own entity.”

[To be said before you enter the elevator when you see a hottie inside] "You're gonna make me come in this elevator."

And finally, if you don’t feel like being clever: “Nice elevator. Wanna fuck?”


You don’t have to remind Dmitrii and me about how stellar we are, because we already know we exude that naturally. If you too are able to drain your brain of all that is classy, then please, add your own elevator pick-up lines in the comments section.